Q&A with Professor Umbridge
by A.L1
Summary: When Umbridge was asked many questions by the class, Harry got into detention. This is another way of how it could have happened. Spoilers for OotP and good for Umbridgehaters.


Q & A with Proffesor Umbridge

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. If I did, Proffessor Umbridge would be dead right now.

Summary: When Professor Dolores Jane Umbridge first came to Hogwarts school. She was faced with a scene where students continually began to ask questions about not getting to do magic. This is another version on what could have happened. It's in script form due to the fact that it's mostly talk and no action.

11/22/05 Edit: Okay, seeing that the rules of has forced me to change this story. I decided to make a few improvements as well. If you want to see the original, take a look at my Livejournal. Therefore, the following is not in script format and is changed. It's a little different from what it once was.

Professor Umbridge was about to start her first, actual class with actual learning after just explaining how no one could use magic in her class.

"Are there any more questions?" she decided to ask before beginning her rather unusual method of teaching. A whole plethora of hands lifted from the bored bodies that filled the classroom. After some careful consideration, she finally chose a boy nearby.

"You," she began. "What is your name?

The boy stood up. "Dean Thomas. Why are we not using magic?"

Enraged and particularly impatient – having to explain again and all – she uttered a reason that eventually strung off into mindless babble that even she could not understand and what point. She wisely chose to stop before she ran out of time for class. However, she noticed another, high hand in the corner and decided to acknowledge it.

Seeing his opportunity, Seamus Finnigan asked, "Why are you so ugly?"

" I- WHAT?" Professor Umbridge could barely finish her sentence as shock and utter insult slapped her in the face. How dare a boy such as this insult her in this way!

"I said, 'Why are you so ugly?' " he said again, for he had mistaken his teacher's remark of surprise as an actual question.

"That's it! You're in detention with Mr. Potter, too! See me this Friday!"

" Well, you still are VERY UGLY GIT!"

" Well I hope you like detention and- what is you question miss..." This time, a girl raised her hand. She was happy, because she believed a girl would not be like these rude boys, with the exception of that know-it-all Miss Granger.

" Patil. I was wondering...Are you a virgin?" Whoops. It seems that Professor Umbridge had too much faith in her sex. Shocked again and still barely recovering from the last question, she said, "Okay, Miss Patil, you shall also be in detention with the others."

" Hmph!" she answered back angrily. She honestly thought she could get out of learning nonsense with a question like that. (She thought the professor would be too embarrassed to continue teaching.)

And though it was rprobably a bad idea, Professor Umbridge decided to give the kids one more chance.

" Anymore questions?"

To this day, she would regret this decision.

" YES!"

"Is your hair real?"

"How much wood would a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood?"

"How does balloons fly?"

"How do they get those little "M's" on the M&M's?"

"How much do you weigh?"

"Is it true that you're having an affair with Fudge?"

"Do we really have to call you "professor?" It's not like you have to teach us anything."

"Can you actually perform a spell that first years can't do?"

"Are you married? I'll be surprised if you are."

"Did you ever kill anyone?"

"Have you met Mr. Death Die?" (Dragon Knight fans should get this one)

"Are we alone in the universe?"

"What is the government REALLY doing?"

"What is your opinion on abortion?"

With every question asked by a curious and purposely annoying class, her face got redder and redder. Eventually, like a balloon, she popped. "I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! THIS WHOLE CLASS WILL BE IN DETENTION FOR WEEK! THAT'S ALL FINAL NO QUESTIONS ASKED!"

On Friday, the day of the detention, the whole classroom was filled with students. They were now going to do lines. (The normal ones.) By the time everyone was halfway done, everyone's hand cramped. Luckily, Professor McGonagall came by.

"Why are all the students doing detention? What did this whole class do that made all the 5th years get into trouble? Nothing like this has happened in Hogwarts ever since Godric Griffyndor sent his students to solitary confinement for trespassing on centaur territory!"

"Centaurs, never liked them. Actually, the reason why they are here is because they asked questions."

"So you are giving them detention because they can think for themselves? And people call ME strict! You really should be more lenient. This is a school. Not a prison. And because this is the year for O.W.L.s, these students should be studying and doing their homework. Not doing lines. Since I am their head house, I will take care of whatever punishment they deserve. Let me bring them to the common room. Come on 5th years."

Dolores stood through the doorway to stop them while they got up and walked towards the door.

"You have no authority to do so!"

McGonagoll just sighed and said, "Hogwarts rulebook article 636 paragraph 10 sentence 2 'All heads of the house have the authority to bring their students out of detention for educational reasons.'"

Dolores just paused. For a moment, and ran out of the door, most likely finding the rulebook and to see if it really existed. With that, McGonagall tipped her hat, bowed to the applauding children, and walked out the door with the many children behind her.


End file.
